Finally, after several weeks of feeling like I was continually behind the eight ball, I’m starting to get a handle on things. I’m starting to feel like there’s time to get to the things that I want to get to, as opposed to the things that I need to get to. I actually have time in the course of the day to open up my laptop and sit with my fingers on the keys, ready to work on something that I want to work on.
The problem is that once I finally get to the point where I can do something that I want, I don’t know what I want to do. I frequently find that I tell myself that I feel too tired, too drained, too brain-dead to do something creative, and so end up on the couch watching Netflix, or reading a book. And I’m starting to feel like that’s an excuse, or another way to procrastinate.
I need five binder clips, and I bet I can clean up the wire clutter on the end table in our bedroom.
See, here I am, allowing myself the freedom to finally sit down and write, and I end up looking at the tangle of cords coming out from under the end table, and I start thinking about a tip I read a long time ago, and then my fingers stop pressing keys as I find myself wondering if I’ve got five binder clips upstairs, if I should go and look right now, while I have time to do so, and what am I not doing? Writing.
Now that I’m starting to get my head above water, I’ve got to find the discipline to work on things, or else they simply won’t get worked on. With the other things, eventually push comes to shove and they have to get done. The dishes will eventually get done because eventually you will want to eat again and need a clean plate to do so. Eventually the laundry will get done because you’ve run out of clean clothes.
But my novel is never going to get written unless I write it. I can keep not writing it for weeks, for months, almost for years now, and that shove is never going to come. There’s no deadline for teaching myself Objective-C programming. There will be no repercussions if I put it off for another week. The only person who can do the shoving on these projects is me, and I’ve got to start shoving.